flux
today i cannot catch my breath.
i cannot catch the world around me; i cannot catch a single moment for any longer than it lasts.
everything is finite, slipping through my fingers, beyond & beyond.
and i am left to process, though i often find myself incapable of even that.
actions and reactions.
sorting the shoulds, the woulds, the coulds.
regrets classified by dids and didn'ts.
heartbeats serve as a truer tally, ringing clearly in my chest, saying all that i have not yet allowed myself to.
thinking the thoughts which my brain cannot yet formulate.
all the while breath growing more and more shallow.
today is the day after yesterday, and before yesterday came a thousand others. i cannot wrap myself around a single one, because everything - thoughts, emotions, the hairs on my head - are all in constant flux
4:58 p.m. - 2004-05-23
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